Empty Casket
by Izzu
Summary: Set after the first half of the second arc. Raito have been having some dark thoughts as he came almost towards despair. SPOILERS if you dunno already....


az: 2005's the year I'm cosplaying our favorite character, Yagami Raito. Gosh I luv him so much... hope you like this rendition of mine of what could have been about Raito...

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Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor did I own the tankoubons. But yes... I have my own Death Note! Characters and original ideas are copyrights of Takeshi Obata and Ohba Tsugumi. No infringements are intended and no grudge was held during this production. I'd be rich if I dare say I own all of the animes that I made fics from; of which, I'M NOT! No spamming if you don't like my pairing... and don't swear on my reviews page. This is not a warning!

Warning: Might contain spoilers till the end of the first half of the second arc... and Raito might be a little out of character. The direction of this story will veer from the plot and will have reference to it time to time.

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Empty casket

Boredom and despair?

Written by Azzie X Izumi Ishtar

_What am I going to do now? Should I admit defeat?_

_No... the game's not over yet. I've yet to achieve what that I've started. Cleansing the world from the filth and sins of human. But... somehow, now..._

_I felt so empty..._

'Ne... Raito, something wrong? Please tell Misa... I'm worried for you--'

Raito turned to face Amane Misa as the blonde girl looked at him with concern. _Stupid girl, even as I kept on using her…Using her for my own scheme... she still. Still cared for me…Why did she have to bother--?_

Raito shrugged as he avoided her stares. '...nothing! Don't bother with me--', he muttered nonchalantly as Misa frowned. 'Raito-san...', she muttered softly...

XXX

_It had always been me... fending for myself, unaided by anyone. Ever since I entered school and grow to become the genius that some people called me, life seemed to edge further from my grasp. Everything seemed to fade... light seemed to leave my side. Going to school, meeting friends... teachers, attending school activities... had begun to feel so redundant and empty. It seemed that the only thing mattered to the society is that--_

_If you could achieve the highest mark in your exam and being able to enter a good university, you'll be of use to the society. Life... was becoming very dull and lifeless---_

_If that was how life was to be… I'd rather be on my own._

_I was tired then. No... To think, I still am tired of those kinds of people. During those times, it had been either the fellow classmates or teachers... boasting to others that I was their friend or their student. That the fact that they were acquainted with me... the genius of the school would give them any recognition. Everything I do seem to turn out well every time, and people would still cheer for me. It was so much... too often, that I felt nothing in achieving anything anymore._

_Furthermore, I see some of them beginning to show their true selves. Manipulating others when they feel like it... assuming they were the only ones privileged. And you can see it around you. People… succumbing to the clutches of greed and lust, societies falling to its rotten states and ranks._

_Maybe... because of that, I began to shy from them. Some of them started to say that I've grown arrogant and started to push me around. But it didn't matter anymore..._

_I won't care about it any longer..._

_Since the world was rotten to the core--_

_---but all of that was changed, as I stumbled onto the note._

XXX

'Raito... can you hear me? Please don't space out on me! Misamisa was scared!'

_I could barely hear her voice. She seemed so far away. And then I felt her holding me---_

XXX

_'**Raito-kun, what are you going to be when you finished schooling?' **_

_**Raito looked up at his father as if he was joking to him. 'Dad... what do you mean!-? I've told you what I'm gonna be... I wanted to become a police commissioner like you. Then I could send all those bad guys to jail!'**_

**_Yagami_** **_Souichiro laughed heartily. 'Oh my... but Raito, you have so many opportunities open for you. Aren't you my most brilliant son? You could have tried considering better jobs than being a cop--'_**

_**'Dad!-!', cried Raito. Sayu chuckled as she clung to their dad. 'Onii-chan wanted to become a superhero! That's why he wanted to become a cop. He wanted to become a bigger hero than dad!'**_

_**Raito's face immediately turned beet red at Sayu's teasing. 'Sayu---!-! Dad, don't you listen to her! I wanted to become a cop because I was fascinated-- Hey, Sayu!-!', cried Raito as he tried to catch his sister. Sayu chuckled as she continued making fun of him. Souichiro pulled Raito from the sister as he chuckled. 'Now, now... you two, stop attacking each other so much. Sayu... no more making fun of your brother! Raito... don't you bully your sister!'**_

_**Raito started to frown as his father embraced him. 'I'm so proud to have you as my son, Raito...'**_

_**Sayu pouted as Souichiro pulled her in his embrace too. 'Don't be jealous. I'm proud of you too...', he said as Sayu grinned. 'You cheek!', hissed Raito as Sayu rolled her eyes at him. 'But onii-chan, why didn't you want to take any job other than as a police?', she asked.**_

_**Immediately, Raito frowned. 'At least... if I became a cop, my life won't be so dull and dead anymore...', he muttered softly as he pulled away from his father. 'Dad... I'm going to my bedroom to sleep. Sayu... don't you dare disturb me from sleeping!', he said as he stormed towards the stairs.**_

_**'Raito--?', muttered Yagami Souichiro as he wondered about the sudden change of attitude on his son--**_

XXX

_Now I could never hear his voice again. And Sayu... I wondered if she could recover her old self. Was this... also the curse for using the death note? Not only must I abandon my own humanity in order to bear the burden of using it, but to lose the people that I cared most?_

XXX

Raito stood as he turned towards the girl. 'Misa... do I looked pathetic to you now? Kira... reduced to this state...', muttered Raito as Misa shook her head in panic. 'No... Raito-sama did not... You will never be--'

'It's all right--', he said as Misa calmed down. 'I had been feeling pathetic...'

'Raito-sama---'

XXX

Raito glanced towards the still body of his dead father. In a few days, they'd send the body back to Japan. And then... his mum and Sayu will also find out. What'll happen then? His family... once a happy one, now has broken apart because of...

He wrapped his hands onto his father's cold hand.

_'I know father would make it--_', he remembered saying that when Yagami Soichiro first took this case,'_If anything bad happened to you during this case, I swear father... I will personally kill Kira!' _

Raito gazed longingly towards his father's face. He looked so serene. Had he found out that his son had been in fact the one he feared to have been, Kira... most probably, his father wouldn't have died looking so at peace. He wondered... had his original plan goes as it should, would his father be alive now?

Raito hastily wiped the tears that had again started to escape his cold features. Even though he had been playing it to the edge as he tried to make his father wrote Mello's real name... to the extent of making himself cry on purpose, it doesn't made it any different that his father was dead. **His** father! He might have contemplated to actually kill him and Sayu, held himself from doing so and pretended that it was because L's former shadow affecting him...

Truth is... he wondered, if he could have really done it. Kill his father... even the rest of his family, should he really left with no choice. Thinking back... he most probably couldn't. And now--?

Raito glanced to his side as the glint almost blinded him---

XXX

Ryuuku eyed the lad with interest as he watched him, eyes glazed. The shinigami smirked. After so long a time he stayed by Raito it came to a hint of wonder if there is still a part in Raito that still retained his sense of humanity. The fragility of human that seemed to have disappeared in Raito, or so the shinigami thought.

He eyed him as he about to make his move. Will he do it? Will this be it... after all that had been achieved? Ryuuku left the room as he headed some place else.

Since...

...this was not the time yet. He could see it. Raito's time is still far too long--

XXX

'Ne... Matsuda-san!-! Where is Raito?-! Please let me know where he is now!', begged Misa as the man tried to calm her. 'He's in the room where Chief's-- Hey, Misamisa!', he cried as Misa rushed towards the said room...

Minutes later...

The door opened forcefully as Matsuda argued to Misa. 'See...? Raito is still safely--', he started to say as he saw the terrified look of Misa. He turned around to find Raito leaning on the bedside, with a bloodied hand beside him. Taken aback, he immediately rushes over and felt his pulse. 'He's still alive! Misa... get the doctor!', cried Matsuda as the girl nodded and ran off from the room...

XXX

Raito slowly opened his eyes as he was greeted with the worried look of Misa, Matsuda and Ryuuku's haunting glance. 'Wha---? You two--?-!', he gasped as Misa held him tight while he was trying to get up. 'Misa---!', he gasped as Misa cried. 'Gomen… but Misa thought Raito might---', she cried again as Raito looked at her in wonder. _She… sincerely worried over me? Even after all the harsh treatment?_

Raito swallowed hard in attempt of saying something before Officer Mori barged into the room. Matsuda rose as he scolded the man. 'Mori! Can't you see--?'

'SPK just contacted us. Near wanted to speak to L...'

XXX

Well... since he had come all this way until now, there's no way he could turn back. The wage was already placed, and he'll be there playing these mind games with Near and Mello until the end. When he became the winner.

And if he should die then... he'll accept it as retribution. Raito lifted the earset as he fought everything to keep his voice steady. Not wanting the other side know of what stupidity he had almost did. Oh is it... should one of his men turned spy against him, it may serve to show them that he might not been Kira after all. Ah well... let him then continue these facade of lies.

_L... Ryuuzaki, wait for me longer until I finish this game..._

Raito ended the conversation as Near cut his connection. His legs ceased to hold him much longer as several of the officers caught him in mid-fall. Everything seemed perfect. It might do no good if Near's spy was amongst his ranks and doesn't believe his acts, but at least the rest of them won't come to that conclusion that he was Kira as of yet.

_I'll be the winner of this game!_

A faint smirk lined his face as Raito was carried away towards his room...

/END/

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az: I once consider throwing this crap into the bin, but then I finally finished it. But well... if anyone think this shot is any good, feel free to review this Raito-cosplayer who did a one-shot of his character. XDXD

Don't phrase me too much in getting in character over the first part of the shot. My personal view had been almost similar... so not much that I could have done to have veered from Raito's POV. And I've read between the lines in the DN manga and got to this conclusion. You may argue that Raito did not care that much about his dad... but then, ties of blood was one thing that you can't truly be free of.


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